Friends. It’s hard for me to believe that 2019 has only been around for 9 months. These past 9 months have been some of the most life-changing for me. And not subtly life-changing, like major, life-altering changes.
This year I:
Quit my job
Yeah, it’s been one of those years. As someone whose career is centered around other humans’ behavior on the internet, it seemed only right to contribute to the hoards of information on the internet focused on wedding planning.
I’m planning a wedding within the same year I am building a business. I’ve been struggling to find a lot of content that can relate to that. Or more specifically, I am having a hard time finding content on the internet that relates to women who don’t drop their whole lives to plan their wedding.
I’ve seen it first-hand, I’ve talked to other women about it, I’ve read about it and the simple fact is, most women take a step back from work when they are challenged with planning the day of their dreams.
I’m going to say something blunt and absolutely controversial in the world of wedding planning — I’ve never thought about my wedding day as the day of my dreams. In fact, I would argue that this mindset sets the weirdest and most outrageous expectations for what a day should be when you’re committing your life to the person you love most in the world.
Don’t get me wrong, my wedding day is going to be epic. It’s going to be filled with love, and food, and booze, and One Direction songs that I will force the DJ to play, and small details that will express the things that are important to me and my fiancé. But the internet has convinced me that I should feel guilty that I am unwilling to integrate “wedding planning” as part of my day job for the next 10-months. I’ve witnessed women from all facets of my life, whether my direct co-workers, friends, or family, women of ambition and tenacity, take a step back from their careers during their engagements.
I am not saying they stop working, stop caring, or stop pursuing their careers. I’d compare it more to being on a treadmill, where someone is usually pacing a strong 9-minute mile and suddenly they are jogging at a 5.2. I am unable to jog at 5.2 at work. Which sometimes has me feeling guilty. Why? Because of the internet, because of sites like The Knot, because of people asking questions like, “What do you have planned so far?” and seeing their disappointment when I say something along the lines of, “Oh, I don’t want to plan my wedding.”
I am more focused on building my life than building a day. This means creating a business that fuels my passions, supports my finances, and offers me flexibility so I can afford to spend more time with the person I plan on committing the rest of my days to on July 18th, 2020. This means focusing on what matters most to me, and on that day, he will matter most. And guess what? I’m not willing to give up the restricted amount of time we have together due to my work schedule to talk about floral arrangements.
This next statement comes from a place of privilege that I have no problem acknowledging: I am hiring a wedding planner. Not a day of coordinator to pick up the details, not a month of coordinator to handle the vendors, no a human who will handle all of it. A human who specializes in ensuring a “perfect” day. I’m hiring a J-Lo in The Wedding Planner circa 2001. Do I have preferences and ideas and priorities for my wedding day? Yes. In fact, as someone who works in branding and messaging, I have a lot of preferences. And I am going to share them with an expert rather than my inbox during hours where I am committing my time to my passion — my business.
To the women who I’ve watched plan the day of their dreams all on their own, I salute you. I envy your passion and attention to detail. I am jealous of your commitment to Pinterest and caterers. However, this blog series isn’t for you. Why? Because there are a thousand other women who can talk to you about organizing your Erin Condren Wedding Planner and provide a list of vendors they’re obsessed with — I’m just not one of them.
This blog series is dedicated to women like me, women who didn’t spend their childhood dreaming about their wedding day but instead were playing outside with their shoes off and petting every dog in sight. For women who watched Four Weddings for humorous entertainment rather than as a place of judgment for their own day. For women who’ve dealt with the faces of disappointment when they tell a family member that they have “no new details to share.” To the women who may be looking for a resource to go to when they realize they don’t give a sh*t what their wedding cake tastes like. To the women who got engaged during a phase of life that didn’t allow them to jog at 5.2. I’m still sprinting right there with you, sister.
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